she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
