I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
