My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
