My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
