its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
