You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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