There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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