I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
