I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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