You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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