i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
