my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
