It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
