Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
