we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
