get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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