you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
