Having a random hookup so left but love u
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
