she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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