bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
