I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the condom got lost in my hair
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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