i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
