Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
