The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
