I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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