I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
