Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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