My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dicks are not precious.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
