Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
