The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
