Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize