It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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