Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
