Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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