Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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