and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
