the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
