from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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