I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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