New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
