Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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