he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
