We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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