she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
