if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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