I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
