I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
