So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it hurts more in the daytime
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
