Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
