Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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