We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize