I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
