Umm I'm too high to move.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
