Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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