batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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