okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
