the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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