I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize