You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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