got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
