Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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