I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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