My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
