im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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