i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
