John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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