man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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