My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
