A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
