my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
